if we were friends in another universe;
a reflection on how I made meaning of Johnny Suh’s six years of existence in my life.
I’d like to think that in this vast world, there are millions of alternate realities or universes.
In which one of them, you and me, somehow cross paths to the point where a relationship is formed. Platonically or romantically, it wouldn’t be necessary.
I’d like to think the reason why I chose you as a favorite member, is that maybe just maybe, in another life, you were a favorite person amongst all the people I came across with.
If we were friends in another universe, maybe tonight we would have gone out regarding your birthday tomorrow. We’d sat silently together, maybe in your car, maybe on a dining table, maybe in a random empty park where we could see the stars twinkling, or maybe at one of our houses because we trusted each other so much that visiting each other's houses was a daily occurrence to the point it just felt natural.
If we were friends in another universe, maybe after the comfortable silence, I’d start the conversation by saying something like
“Hey, do you remember why we were together in the first place?”
You’d probably snickered a little hearing it and you’d reply with something like, “I don’t know, maybe because you liked me that much?” followed by a stifled laugh.
The conversations would roll naturally like every other day, as easy as breathing,
“I liked you because you’re funny,” that’s how I probably ended the conversation after we both went down memory lane,
“Then you must like every comedian,” you replied with eyes rolled, “they’re funny.”
“But no one is as funny as you, you’re funny because you’re you.” then we came back to the comfortable silence like before, enjoying each other’s presence because being here with you is something I cherished for a lifetime.
If we were friends in another universe, we would have that kind of low-maintenance friendship. Maybe at the beginning years of our friendship, we would talk almost every day as if talking with you was a daily routine that suddenly engraved itself in my life. But as time passed, we both grew older, we walked onto different paths, we met various people, and the routine of talking to each other slipped itself from our routine. Despite that, we still remembered each other at the back of our heads.
“It might be silly but I won’t forget you completely…” I would suddenly text you one day because that’s how our routine falls now,
“How so?” would be your reply,
“My phone password is your birthday,” I sent the first bubble of text, “basically you’re always with me in every moment of life.”
“I mean… I am always basically with you in every step of your life.” you then texted back, “I watched you from every social media platform, I make sure I told you every single change in life from the minor ones to the major ones, and I make sure I was always present even though it’s just congratulating from dm’s and such.” Johnny is typing… “You get what I mean right?”
I do, every single time.
If we were friends in another universe, you wouldn’t mind if I started paying more attention to other people. You wouldn’t mind that I started to take an interest in one of your friends because you thought we’d get along well. You wouldn’t mind if I skipped hanging out with you sometimes, you understand that both you and I have another life to live. You wouldn’t mind that in our recent conversations, there are names that I cannot stop mentioning.
“Sometimes I think that guy isn’t worth your time,” you commented one day as this new person slipped out of my mouth several times, “why are you two arguing about me?”
“He asked if I’d rather choose you over him,” I huffed, “like I don’t know it depends on the circumstances right?”
“It is and he should’ve known that,” you agree with a nod, “that’s why I am the best guy to ever exist in your life.”
“Yeah right…” I glimmered, you weren’t wrong.
If we were friends in another universe, the distance would always come between us but we perceive it as something that strengthens the friendship. You and I will go far away from our home, and we will somehow watch and support each other from the sideline.
“Hey I heard your thesis got accepted,” you told me one day on the phone, “congratulations! You struggled so much but now you made it, I am very proud!” that’s what you’d probably said.
“Hey thank you so much,” was my initial reply, “but let’s talk about you! You passed the audition, right? I am so excited for your appearance on the screen! You’ve dreamed about this since we were in High School!”
“Haha yeah,” there’s pride lingering in your voice as you answered, “maybe I could invite you to my show when you finally become a legislative member?”
“Oh that would be embarrassing…” I smacked the palm of my hand to my forehead and cackled, “I’m glad we both got what we wanted.”
But sadly in this universe, we weren’t friends at all. We were just two people who existed at the same time in a different place, co-existing together.
I know you well, but you didn’t know me at all.
I know all your hopes and dreams, but you only know a slight percentage of people who share the same hopes and dreams as mine.
I remembered all your favorite things and your birthday, but you didn’t know me at all.
I’m just a normal girl, you were a superstar.
I’m just a fan, and you were my idol.
Happy Birthday, Johnny. This year marks the sixth year after I somehow decided to pick you as my favorite member. Thank you for taking and walking along this path, for working hard and not giving up to be where you are today. Thank you for simply existing, and deciding that you wanted to be the Johnny Suh today.
Falling out of love is a normal thing and it will eventually happen, but I am glad that even at the hardest moment in life when I looked back, you were still there.
I hope this year, at the end of your 20s, you’ll keep in mind that growing old isn’t always scary and there are thousands of opportunities waiting for you. I hope that whatever the future brings, you’ll grow into a better person than you are today or yesterday.
I hope you thrive always, and you’ll be around for a long time.
